- my friend: i met a guy
- me: i just started a new tv show
Why is it not helpful to say “not all men are like that”? For lots of reasons. For one, women know this. They already know not every man is a rapist, or a murderer, or violent. They don’t need you to tell them.
Second, it’s defensive. When people are defensive, they aren’t listening to the other person; they’re busy thinking of ways to defend themselves. I watched this happen on Twitter, over and again.
Third, the people saying it aren’t furthering the conversation, they’re sidetracking it. The discussion isn’t about the men who aren’t a problem. (Though, I’ll note, it can be. I’ll get back to that.) Instead of being defensive and distracting from the topic at hand, try staying quiet for a while and actually listening to what the thousands upon thousands of women discussing this are saying.
Fourth—and this is important, so listen carefully—when a woman is walking down the street, or on a blind date, or, yes, in an elevator alone, she doesn’t know which group you’re in. You might be the potential best guy ever in the history of history, but there’s no way for her to know that. A fraction of men out there are most definitely not in that group. Which are you? Inside your head you know, but outside your head it’s impossible to.
This is the reality women deal with all the time.
It’s not friendship, it’s bromance. It’s not eyeliner, it’s guyliner. It’s not yoga, it’s broga. It’s not just silly portmanteaus, it’s evidence of the hilarious fragility of masculinity.
here for brown girls, queer girls, shy girls, bi girls, trans girls, poly girls, disabled girls, loud girls, anarchist girls, riot girls, my girls, the quiet girls - the silent girls, the heart-too-big for their body girls, demi girls, fat girls, nerdy girls, sexy girls, messy girls, can’t-cook-to-save-their-gramma girls, proud girls, masculine girls, rowdy girls, girly girls, naughty girls, angry girls, surviving/recovering girls, healing girls, don’t-need-saving girls
praising your kid for doing something “normal” people do and outright acknowledging it as something abnormal for them (“you finally came out of your cave upstairs!” “you finally put some nice clothes on!”) has a very real chance of making them feel like their normal is below average and looked down upon
tldr don’t say shit like “oh, youre talking to us, this is new”
dear lord jesus yes